Anna

Whereas my dearest consort, Anna,
(Or Doll or Sue, or Nab or Hannah,)
The vilest trollop in the nation,
Without least cause or provocation
From house and board and bed hath eloped,
And after pimps and scoundrels gallop'd;
And further still in spite of reason,
And loving prayers, my very knees on,
Refuses e’er with me to dwell,
Though better far than bound in hell.
These presents therefore, all forewarn,
Both pamper’d knaves and wretch forlorn,
Not once to harbour or entertain;
To credit, deal with, or detain
This termagant, or wife, or curse,
On pain of law, or something worse.
Here now I stand with arms wide spread,
To take her to my board and bed,
Whene’er her own stout heart will let her,
(Or I leave off to teaze and fret her.)
Nay more: I solemnly avow,
I’ll treat her well as I know how:
Be kind and loving, mild and tender,
If she her person will surrender:
But if these promises she scorns,
And swears she’ll make me wear the horns,
Whoe’er shall dare to even stop her,
Shall not receive a single copper.
To prove my words are not in jest,
Here stands my name,
Tom Dick distrest.

October 1778.

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